Monday, May 13, 2013

Forward Progress

Well, I guess I have made some forward progress. 
I spent a week sick as a dog, I went o several doctors and even the emergency room. 
I'm sure the bills are going to be lovely.
I have finally finished my course of medication. I just have to go back next week for a final redo of the blood work to make sure that my white blood cell count is back to normal.

I took a step in the moving forward by meeting with the psychiatrist and getting on medication. He has started me on Cymbalta. He seems to think he can get me on care that will solve the depression and the headaches. He said I should have been in psychiatric care 10-15 yrs ago. 

I took another step forward by applying to the rescue to adopt a dog. I made it through the first part. I have the home inspection set up on Saturday. I am not sure if I will actually go through with the adoption or not. I emailed the sailor and even sent him a picture of the dog I want to adopt who is just gorgeous and he said he wants to wait to get a dog. He actually said he wants to start a family when he gets back. 
My response to that is WTF?????
A baby? Seriously?
For some reason he just does not understand that I am too old. I am freaking 38 and I will be 39 here in Nov. He missed that window. Even if I have my Mirena taken out, the odds are not remotely good that I will conceive and have a normal baby. I am just too old. 
He just doesn't get it. 

This is the fear that I have though, he can't accept the fact that I am too old for a baby, and he leaves me because he really wants a child. So I am sure I will get the mirena out to make him happy, but I am not sure how he will handle it when I don't magically get pregnant. 

The main issue too is that I DO NOT WANT children. I do not have a maternal bone in my body. I do not have the desire to change diapers and be up all night. I do not see a baby as a bundle of joy. I see it as a life sucking leech.