Saturday, June 25, 2011

Pain Day

Today is one of those days where I just want to cry.
Not because someone died or because Iwatched a sad movie. But I want to cry from the pain.
I was having some pain all day at work. But I decided to go out for drinks this evening anyways. Usually the buzz of a few drinks makes me temporarily forget the pain, and the alcohol kind of numbs it. But not tonight.
The longer I stayed the worse my knee got. My hands are hurting so bad right now, I really shouldn't be typing.
I am going to go take something for the pain and try to get some sleep.
It s just a situation where I am super frustrated that yet again the RA has ruined my night and I am left with nothing but pain.
Sleep is very difficult when my joints are flaring.
It feels like my whole body is on fire.
Hopefully, the medicine can reduce it to the point where I can get some sleep.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

A Life Of Pain ....

Every morning of my life starts the same way .... In Pain. My RA sort of "locks up" and causes my joints to swell and ache. It seems to be worse in the morning when I have done something physical the day before. If I go to a theme park, or ride my bike, or something as simple as walk the dog I wake up worse than if I had a day of nothing.

I've learned a few little things that help me like taking breaks. Something as simple as housecleaning, I have to take breaks. I run the vacuum, take a break, do the dishes, take a break, fold the laundry, take a break. It takes me forever to get anything done, but I have to do it this way.

"You don't look sick" or "You brought this on yourselfy  with your weight"
If I had a dollar every time I heard one of those, I would be rich.
RA is not caused by weight, diet, or lifestyle. Skinny people get it, kids get it, old people get it, marathon runners get it.
Rheumatoid Arthritis is an AutoImmune Disease.
My body is attacking itself. 30% of people with RA end up with another autoimmune disease such as FibroMyalgia or Lupus. 10% of people with RA end up with all 3, RA, Fibro and Lupus.

Why would I ask for this?
No, I don't think it is cool to have a disease. No, I did not create it to have an excuse.
I simply went to the doctor to find out why I was in such constant pain and why my feet and hands swell and hurt every morning.

I am so tired of people acting like I have created this, or I just want an excuse, or I am just a drama queen.
My body aches and hurts all day everyday. I did not ask for this, I do not want this.

I am really tired of people constantly "preaching" to me that I should change my diet and increase my physical activity and my fake disease would go away and I would feel better.
Trust me, If the cure for RA was to eat nothing but celery and run 5 miles a day, I WOULD DO IT!
Running is only going to make me worse, and although I like celery, it isn't the cure for RA.

So please, Have a little respect for people who have something they cannot control.
You live your life your way, and I will live mine.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Separation Stress

Normally, I do ok with the whole Navy separation thing. Godfrey is forever going somewhere for a week or 2 and sometimes a month or 2. I've gotten used to him always going somewhere.
However, this schooling in CA has been a real hard separation. I think it is mostly because I know what he is doing, and it is very stressful. He is going through training to be a Search and Rescue Swimmer and the training is very rough. He is under many many physical demands. Most people who know him think he is just all about having fun. But he is the type pf person that when a challenge is put in front of him, he will do whatever it takes, he just doesn't quit ever.
Seeing all of the training that he has to go through has just freaked me out, knowing that he is just under this severe physical stresss.

I can't wait for him to come home. I have been super alone this go around and I have been crying at night. Of course when I finally get to talk to him, he finds out I am crying and upset and he makes me laugh. I think that is what I miss the most about him being gone. Normally, when he is at home, We laugh so much each day. I have never laughed as much in my life as I have since I have been with him.

I just hope I can keep it together. He should be home on June 14. It won't get here fast enough.