Monday, October 29, 2012

The Perfect Storm

For those of us on the East Coast, it has been the perfect storm weekend. 
Hurricane Sandy decided to hit the east coast and run into some other systems causing much rain and wind on the east coast. 

For my area, the main pain in the rear is the Flooding. Normally the wind causes power outages, so people are stuck in their houses with no power, and they can't leave because their street is flooded. 
I got a large amount of flooding in my area, but my personal yard flooded less than when we had Irene last year. 
I've lived in Virginia all my life so tropical storms and hurricanes are just another day at the office for me. 
I come home and prep to be without power. We already have plenty of food that I can eat with no power. I have a power pack, so I can charge up phones or whatever when the power is out. I keep a pretty good stock of batteries too, so I can listen to the radio when the power goes out. 

For those of us who have family members in the Navy, it is the customary practice to send the ships out of harms way. Unless the ship is not in a good enough shape to go, typically they go. 
They can't get out of it, so there is no use bitching about it. Yes it sucks, especially when the storm comes up around a time frame when they are already scheduled to go out. 

So basically on Friday, The Navy gave him about 4 hours off to handle their business, and then they had to go back to the ship. Of course, I am stuck at work and I can't get off to see him. 
He comes to work and brings me flowers and cake. He brought me flowers because he said he was sorry he was going out to sea. He really didn't need to apologize, it is not like he did something on purpose. It is a hurricane!
So I didn't get to see him, just long enough to get my flowers. 
I came home from work and make sure that I had what I needed for the storm and I was good. I didn't need to go anywhere Friday. 
I decided that since I am so far behind on my scrapbooking, and I had just got 200 pictures printed all from 2010, I was going to stay home all weekend and scrapbook. 
I have been doing plenty of workshops in 2012, but most of them I am just so busy working, I just have not had any time to sit down and work on my own albums. So having this weekend at home was a blessing. 
Friday night I was able to go through all of my pictures from Medieval Times and then scrpabook four pages. Which was great!
Saturday was my nephew's last baseball game so I went to that and then took my niece and nephew out to lunch after the game. I enjoy being able to do that with them once in awhile. The storm had started moving in, and it had started raining by the time lunch was over. 
After lunch, I headed to the grocery store. The local store had picked this weekend to double coupons up to $2, so I decided to go on a couponing trip. I went and did that and got some stuff to stock up. After that, I was done and just decided to come home. 
Not even 5 minutes after getting home, a friend called and her and her husband ended up coming over for several hours. It was raining and a little windy, but the worst of the storm wasn't here yet. When they left around 8pm or so, I went next store and hung out with my neighbors for a couple hours. 
Sunday, I made up my mind since I did not get any scrapbooking done on Saturday I was going to make up ground!
Which I did. I got about 18 pages done Sunday, I finished Medieval Times completely and I cropped all of the pictures for the next few things. 
My employer rarely closes for anything but for some reason they were closed today for the storm since many roads were flooded. So I just decided that since parts of my street were flooded and closed by the city, I was going to just stay home all day and not run any errands at all. I made up my mind that I was going to enjoy the day. I slept in a bit, I did a few things around the house, but I did get some scrapbooking and organizing done. 

Well unfortuantely, the home bound scrapbook weekend is over and now I have to go to bed and prep to go back to work tomorrow. 

I have no idea if when I will see the sailor. He may come home tomorrow, but with his work schedule, and the fact that I am going out of town Thursday through Sunday. I have no idea what he is doing. It does kind of stink, but I understand it is his job, and I am not mad about it. 

So I guess I need to stop blogging and get my act together for work tomorrow. 

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Our Dog

About 2 months ago, our dog started showing signs of her age big time. She would be 12 in November, Chinese Shar Pei's typically do not live past 12. She's been suffering with vision loss for a year, and has been totally blind for at least 6 months.
She got around just fine, she knew where everything was in our house. However, about a good two months ago, she started acting more feeble, acting tired, and acting old.
She no longer wanted to go on walks, she barely ate, no matter what we fed her, and she started having a hard time going in and out of the doggy door. She would have to take a couple steps and get her balance to go out of the door.
Several times from her behavior, I wondered if she was having problems with her hearing. The lawn mower didn't seem to bother her, and she no longer barked at the door bell.
Well, we went away for 2 nights and when we came home, she was having an issue where she was dragging one of her back legs when she walked. She would drag it for a bit and then she would walk fairly normally. We kind of just chalked it up to arthritis. But we started the end of life discussion.
Yesterday, early in the evening she was dragging the leg again, but later in the evening, we noticed that she was trying to walk, but her back 2 legs were not working and she was basically dragging them. She stood up a couple times on her own, but couldn't take more than a step. We could not really determine what it was that started this, but before we went to bed it was clear that she wasn't going to walk normally again.
Apparently the back part of her body lost all feeling. She was peeing on herself because she lost all control of her bladder.
We made the decision that we couldn't wait until we were both available to both be there. We had to do it the next day. So today when I got up this morning, I knew what I had to do.
She seemed ok, that is the weird part. She was up looking around watching me walk around in the morning, but I noticed her back legs were still positioned the same way, she couldn't stand, and she wouldn't move.

I went to work and came home at noon to take her to the vet. I chose an emergency place that would not require and appointment and would do it without questioning me. I came home and changed clothes. She had moved some. She was trying to slide with her 2 front paws, but she just couldn't get very far.
I wrapped her up in a towel, because she had no control of her bladder and I did not want urine all over my car, and then I put her in the back of my SUV.

She was never a "pick me up" kind of dog. But today when I wrapped her up in the towel and picked her up, I felt her really hug into me, as if to say, "Its OK". She knew where she was going, I got to the place and went in and filled out the paperwork before bringing her in. She has never liked other dogs, and since she could not stand, I just left her in my truck while I filled out the paper work. All she could do was lay there so I was afraid of her getting out.

It took a few minutes to fill out the paper work and discuss what I wanted. Then the vet staff went out with me to get her. She was so skinny I had no problems carrying her, but they carried her for me.
They put me in a room and explained what would happen. I of course was crying my eyes out. I got through the paper work with out crying, until the very end.

They took Tyra and put a catheter in her in another room. The doc explained what the procedure is. Then they brought her in to me. They had covered her with a towel from the vet and they let me be with her alone for a few minutes. She knew what was coming. I could tell, she was letting me know she was ready.
I however, was not ready.

The vets came back in and I held her. She kind of looked in the general direction of her leg, like she knew something was going on, then looked back at me, and then fell asleep.
It was quick and I felt the relief from her that it was over.

Why is it that my dog was ready to die, but I was not ready to let her go?

After the vet office, I went to my car and just cried and cried. I went back to work because I really did not want to go home and see an empty bed, or her food bowls.

After work, I came home and took care of getting rid of her bed, blanket, leashes, etc. We have some unopened food that I will donate to a shelter.

She had been there for me, through thick and thin, morning noon and night, whenever I needed her.
I felt so bad for her to loose her ability to walk or move. But I was still not ready to let her go.

I have no idea how I am supposed to sleep tonight. I am used to getting up in the night 2-3 times with her to let her out. I am sure I will hear her scratching at the door.

Of course, today was duty day and I have had to deal with loosing our dog, all by myself. He was not able to leave the ship at all. I have talked to him, so he does know what happened.

I really wish that she could have lasted one more day, I wish that he could have been there to say goodbye. I can't even imagine how he is dealing with her loss, knowing that he wasn't there.

I am going to bed now. Hopefully, her scratching at the door in my mind won't wake me up.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Such Is Life

I haven't been updating much because I really feel like I haven't had anything to update about. 
My life got increasingly better as I was working out and changing the way that I was eating. However, 6 weeks into it, I have been struck with ridiculous headache pain. It has been constant and chronic. 
I haven't been able to do anything that I would normally do. I haven't been able to exercise, bend forward, be in the extreme heat or cold. I haven't been able to do much of anything at all without screaming headache pain. 
I have seen my regular doctor, the neurologist and I am working on some other specialists, just waiting for insurance to approve it. 
Unfortunately, I have an HMO that approves very little, so the fact that my brain feels like it is going to explode 24/7 is not that big of a deal to them. I worry I may have something that is causing permanent damage, but my insurance doesn't care. 

On top of the fact that my brain is exploding, it has been a trying time for my sailor and I. He is under a large amount of stress, his work is crazy. So needless to say, he is not in the best mood all of the time. I try to just realize that it is not that he is mad at me, but just deal with it the best that I can. 
We are at a weird point in our relationship. We have been together for over 4 yrs, but we are not at the point where we are talking about marriage or planning a wedding. I think we are at a point to where we need to decide if that is actually what we want or not. 
The problem is, that with my head non stop hurting and his job totally stressing him out, we are not remotely in a normal situation. We are not just living our regular life. Things are way different. 
I hope that here pretty soon the doctors can get to the bottom of what is causing my head pain and his craziness will slow down for a couple months. 
Hopefully then we can get back to what we need to talk about. 
For now, we are both just sort of treading water.