Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Moving On

So things have been a little weird lately. A couple weeks ago I had these crazy symptoms and I was sick for over a week. 
Luckily, its gone. 
During the time frame when I was getting over it, I met my shrink who put me on Cymbalta. Cymbalta is supposed to not only help me with my depression, but it is supposed to help with the random weird pains that I am having all of the time. 
My shrink seems to think that eventually Cymbalta will get rid of my headaches and it will make me feel better. 
I hope he is right and it does all of those things. I am now in my 3rd week of taking Cymbalta. I have noticed that some of the pain is reduced, so I am hoping that that part will get better at least. 
However, I can't say that the depression is any better. I think the main reason that I can't move beyond this depression is that I was dumped by two friends. Here I am at my worst, I was really sick, and I get dumped. Neither has spoken to me since I came home from the ER. Which is crazy because if either of them had been in the ER, then I would have been worried and checked back in at least once a day to see what the heck was going on. 
So what do I do, Do I call them all groveling and be like I don't know what I did to upset you, but I am sorry for whatever it is. Or do I just keep moving on and act like nothing is going on?
My typical way to deal with them is to not deal with them. So I am sure I will just keep treading water and see what happens. 

I'm just not sure that my new med is helping with the depression. I still feel like I don't want to leave the house and I still feel like I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. 

My biggest problem in all of this is my coping mechanism has been taken away. I used to always drink when I had something going on that I could not deal with. I would just get trashed, the problem was still there, but at least for the minutes or hours that I was drunk I didn't feel whatever was going on. 

Well now that I am on Cymbalta, I am not supposed to drink at all. Those who regularly drink on Cymbalta can have some serious liver damage, so I need to stop. 

I've only drank once in this past month. I just haven't really felt like going anywhere. 

I just dont know how am I supposed to deal with all of this.